Learning Outcome #1

Project 1-First Draft, Second Draft, and Third Draft https://bparks1.uneportfolio.org/project-1-all-drafts/ 

While reflecting on the work and progress made from my first draft to my final draft, I was able to see how much revision went into the project. My first draft was how I had written essays in high school: Make a claim, choose evidence to back up your claim, explain how the evidence backs up your claim. After writing my first draft, I met with my professor, our writing fellow, and did a peer review workshop. I realized that the essay needed a lot of work. One of my main changes was my claim. It was very focused on one topic whereas the final draft’s thesis states my idea while saying that I can see where someone might disagree. My introduction had significant changes, which caused my final draft to be strong. 

Another change that can be seen is my first body paragraph. The structure of the paragraph changed dramatically. In the first draft, I talked about Rhinehart’s idea and how it is not correct, my personal experience, and then related the ideas that Rhinehart had and showed how they were in conflict with my experiences. In the final draft, I talked directly about my experience when I was living at home. In my next paragraph I then discussed how life at college can make Soylent seem like a logical idea. Instead of directly comparing the ideas, I tried to consider how Rhinehart’s idea could possibly fix in the lifestyle that I am living. 

In my very first draft, I only wrote three paragraphs where my final draft had five. My “finished” first draft had five paragraphs, but there are differences between the two. While many of them are subtle differences, such as grammar mistakes or word changes, there are also some major differences, such as my conclusion. In the first part, there are some word changes, but I also added more detail to why  I personally would not eat Soylent. The beginning sympathizes with Rhinehart but also states that I personally would not choose to live this way.